Plan B is the new Plan A
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
