Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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