The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
