I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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