We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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