weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
