So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize