i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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