Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize