You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
