I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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