dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We have so much sex to catch up on
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
