perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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