You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
