We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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