I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
