Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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