the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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