Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
