He is such a slut. More and more my type.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
