I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
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