He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
