Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize