I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
