Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
