Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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