Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
