i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
