porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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