I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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