I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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