what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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