Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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