So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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