Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
