so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
