You can't special order awesome
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Randomize
