I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
