you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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