Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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