After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
