I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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