Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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