I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
