I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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