Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
