But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
sarcasm needs its own font
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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