I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
