So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He better not be in your backpack
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
