if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
