anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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