i don't like sucking hair
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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