She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
