He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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