i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
