I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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