I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
