My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
