Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
