wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
