One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
