I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
