ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This is my gift to your gina
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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