i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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