whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize