Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
