I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
